Bad Coaching Olympics, Week 9

Week 9 was an especially interesting one for NFL coaches.

Jon Gruden claimed that players from all over the league were calling him to say they wanted to play for the Raiders. Which is weird, because none of the players currently on the roster seem to want to play for them. Speaking of weird: Each and every one of those calls from players on other rosters is a violation of the NFL’s tampering rules, so it’s a bit strange to brag about that on TV. Though no weirder than complaining about your team’s lack of a pass rush right after trading one of the league’s base pass rushers.

Matt Patricia told a reporter to stop slouching because it was unprofessional, which would be weird and condescending from anybody (even for an NFL coach), but even more so from a guy who sports over-sized sweats, a backward baseball cap and the beard of a shipwreck survivor when doing televised interviews. When he eventually shows up.

Gregg Williams bragged that he turned down 11 head coaching jobs, which seems like a lot for a guy who was 17-31 for the Buffalo Bills from 2001-3 in his only head coaching gig. But I guess he wanted to hold out for a plum gig with a stable, first class NFL franchise like the Cleveland Browns. Oh yeah, and just in case that claim didn't seem suspicious enough, he claimed he had seven offers on Hard Knocks just a few months ago, so it seems he's saying he got four offers just so far this year (in a league where four coaches have not been fired) -- oh and those offers came in the form of "letters," because that's how most GM's communicate these days. Not through email, text or phone calls. Not by contacting his agent. By getting out the old quill and ink and writing your prospective coach a query. "Good day, sir. I hope this letter finds you well..."

But as always, the real head-scratching moves for coaches took place ON the field. Let’s take a look:

GOLD MEDAL -- Vance Joseph attempting a 62-yard FG with 23 seconds left in the first half.

I immediately regret that decision.

Yes, it’s Denver, at high altitude -- you may have heard they call it the “mile high city” -- where Jason Elam tied the NFL record with a 63-yard FG, and Matt Prater broke the record with a 64-yarder. So a 62-yarder is not out of the question. And yes, if successful, the Broncos would’ve tied Houston 13-13 with too little time left in the half for a serious attempt at a scoring drive by the Texans after the ensuing kickoff -- barring a very long return. But it’s still a low percentage kick. And by having Brandon McManus attempt the kick with so much time left, particularly with Houston having two timeouts, he opened the door to a a similar -- or as it turned out -- much easier FG attempt by the Texans if McMcManus missed.

McManus of course did miss, leaving the Texans the ball at the spot of the kick -- the Broncos 48-yard line. That meant Houston only had to gain three yards to attempt the exact same FG in the other direction -- with no time remaining, removing the risk of leaving Denver a similar scoring opportunity. With the threat of using the whole field due to their timeouts, Houston was able to complete a quick pass to the sideline right away to get into reasonable FG range. They followed that up with a pass to the middle of the field, leaving them a very makeable 45-yard FG attempt to end the half. Kyle Fairbairn drilled it and the Texans went to the half leading 16-10.

It was such a gift, Bill O’Brien could barely contain himself. Okay, let’s be honest -- he didn’t even try to contain himself.

Little did O’Brien know it at the time, but Joseph wasn’t gone giving to the Texans’ cause. In fact, by the time he was done, Joseph probably ranks behind only J.J. Watt in donations to Houston.

SILVER MEDAL -- Vance Joseph’s settling for a game-winning 51-yard FG attempt on the final play

Who me, again?

That’s right, folks! -- Joseph is the “winner” of both the Gold and Silver medal in the same week! DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

Again, it’s Denver, so a 51-yard attempt doesn’t carry with it the difficulty it would elsewhere. But you still don’t want to just assume your kicker will make it. We call that “pulling an Anthony Lynn” (more on him later), since he settled for a _________ in Week 2 of last season -- with a rookie kicker! -- only to later regret it. The Chargers cut the kicker who missed, __________, before the next game, which brings up one possible motive for being so conservative.

It seems a little hard to believe a coach would actually think like this in the heat of the moment with the game on the line, but it’s also hard to believe how eager Joseph was to settle for a kick that long.

The Broncos had a 1st and 10 at the Texans 37-yard line -- the edge of reasonable FG range (a 55-yarder at that point) -- with 43 seconds left when Case Keenum completed a five-yard pass to TE Jeff Heuerman in-bounds at the Houston 32. Now Denver had a potential 50-yard FG to win the game, and 37 seconds left to improve those odds. Only Joseph -- who had to be advising offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave on strategy in such a crucial spot -- apparently didn’t want his odds improved. He was so confident McManus would make the kick -- despite the fact he’d already missed the kick above badly -- he ordered the offense to huddle up and run more than 20 seconds off the clock down before running the ball up the middle on 2nd down.

The run to RB Phillip Lindsay -- which was an extremely predictable call once the Broncos drained the clock -- was quickly gobbled up by the Texans defensive line, resulting in a loss of a yard. With the clock passing the 10-second mark, all the Broncos could do was run it down to three seconds and attempt the game-winner from 51 yards. Which, naturally, was the plan once they decided to huddle. The choice was made the moment Heuerman got tackled that a FG from around 50 yards was all Denver could hope for.

Of course, Denver could’ve done much better. They could’ve easily hurried to the line and attempted a short pass on 2nd down -- anywhere on the field since they still had a timeout -- with about 20-25 seconds left. Had the pass fallen incomplete, they could’ve tried the same thing on 3rd down with about 15-20 seconds. Had that pass also fallen incomplete, they would’ve faced a 4th down with 10-15 seconds left and nobody could’ve criticized taking their shot from 50 yards. Had either pass been completed and the receiver got out of bounds they could’ve kept trying -- likely with a new set of downs. Had either pass been completed in bounds, they could’ve either attempted to rush up and spike the ball (had there been enough time), or let the clock tick down to three seconds and used their timeout to kick from that closer distance. Again, nobody could’ve rightly argued coaching malpractice.

Instead, Joseph placed the weight of the game on the leg of his kicker with no effort given to making his job even the tiniest bit easier. Because of this, I’m sure many will point the finger of blame at McManus -- and it has to be said he certainly could’ve, and maybe should’ve performed better. After all, it was the first time in his career he missed consecutive kicks -- though I don’t he’s tried many consecutive kicks from 50+ yards, not to mention 60+. But a coaches job is to put his players in the best position to succeed, and in that regard Joseph failed miserably. He did admit to mismanaging the end of the first half, saying “The one before half, that was totally on me. I was chasing points.” However, he stood by the strategy at the end of the game, explaining that if he’d called another pass, it could’ve led to a sack and then “we’re all idiots, right?” Well, maybe not ALL of us.

Judging by the trajectory of the team since Joseph took over, he may not get another chance to learn from his mistakes.

BRONZE MEDAL -- Anthony Lynn’s decision to go for a 2-point conversion up 12-7 early in the 2nd quarter.

Something tells me his degree was not in game management.

Once again, Anthony Lynn made it clear he does not understand how points work. Lynn is consistently guilty of problems with either simple math, rudimentary strategy, or the innate value of points. This time, he made the cardinal -- yet shockingly common -- sin of chasing points early in a game. Luckily for him, it didn’t cost him the game -- but it came damn close.

Los Angeles trailed Seattle 7-6 due to a missed PAT by Caleb Sturgis -- something that has become startlingly common. Caleb has missed ___________ PAT’s this year, an ongoing problem for LA, who consistently has the worst kicking in the league. So when the Chargers scored again in the opening minutes of the 2nd quarter, they led 12-7. Everybody knows at that point, so early in the game, the smart thing to do is simply kick the extra point to go up 13-7. Yes, it’s better to be a full touchdown ahead than just six points. But the point, as it always is in these cases, is that you have no idea how the scoring will play out for the rest of the game. For example, should LA fail on the 2-point conversion, and the Seahawks tack on two FG’s -- which is worth six points in case you didn’t know -- a six point cushion could be just enough to keep the Chargers from losing and force OT.

Of course, the Chargers failed on the 2-point try, then scored another TD -- and kicked the extra point (successfully!) -- to make the score 19-7. They still led 19-10 midway through the 4th quarter when their defense came up with a pick-six off of Russell Wilson to go up 25-10. At which point -- surprise -- Stugis missed yet another extra point.

It’s at this point, you might say “See, Lynn has to go for two, because he can’t trust his kicker to make PAT’s!” Yes, Sturgis has struggled with extra points, so they are no sure thing. But that’s no excuse for not trying them when sound strategy dictates it. If you really don’t trust Sturgis to kick extra points, shouldn’t you cut him and sign someone you do trust? It’s like if you’re always losing money because it’s stuffed in your pockets and falls out every time you need your keys, but using the excuse that you can’t put it in your wallet because that has a hole in it and the money just falls out anyway. The smart thing is to buy another wallet, not use some half-assed way around your faulty wallet.

The dual issue of bad kicking and bad strategy left the Chargers with a not-quite-insurmountable 25-10 lead with less than seven minutes left. Predictably -- for a team that’s compiled quite a collection of winnable losses over the past few years -- Seattle mounted a comeback. The Seahwaks scored one touchdown to narrow the gap to 15-17, then charged down the field in the final minute toward a potential tying TD-and-2-point conversion. Luckily for the Chargers, though Seattle reached the LA one-yard line, they couldn’t punch it in on an un-timed down -- after a penalty pushed them back to the six-yard line. But had they scored and converted the following 2-pointer, they would have forced overtime.

Had that hypothetical OT led to a loss, many would’ve rightly blamed Sturgis, but I wonder if anybody would’ve remember that due to the failed 2-point conversion, Seattle would’ve needed to convert two of their own to force OT. Of course, as mentioned above, the greater sin is continuing to use Sturgis when this is the second game of the season in which he’s missed two PAT’s as well as a FG -- he did the same against the 49ers in Week 4 -- and allowed the Chargers opponent a last gasp shot at winning, rather than putting the game out of reach much earlier. The Chargers a pretty good this year, but the combination of Lynn and Sturgis promises to sink them eventually unless something changes drastically.